Lobotomy

I’ve been writing the same thing for three years
I’ve been looking at time
I’m finding the time in the people and circling back in rewind
I’m flat out bored of my own shit
wake up, seek shelter
stare at the sun for the chaos, controlled by the holes in my fingers
stacked horizontal with one eye closed to burn a hole in my mind
like a sunlight self-lobotomy
in ode to generational anxiety, indecision, Ativan all the time
but I only like the idea of chaos
a girl on the internet said I should embrace it
because my birth chart is an astrologists wet dream
spent youth, driving around
half-life, strung out
does anyone else hate being asked what their dream job is?
my dream is an apocalypse of hobbies that no job could fix
my dream is a slow morning wondering on past lives
when I was a (flightless bird), probably
distracted, can’t get off the ground
I should ask the astrology girl