Two spinning dueling motors grinding me away to fuzzy lights bright and out of focus shining through my pupils disconnected upside down I’m slithering lines electric heavy breathing trying to define myself in moments undecided dining black and gray on snowy TV static with the voltage of disarray popping cracking in opposition of the exterior of my face I am softer than I appear but I demand control over trivial things and control demands stoicism so I’m reading unapproachable as observed and begging for a word that isn’t a prayer to be something I am not.